What's next? Not exactly sure....which scares me cause I like to have a plan. But lately my "plans" have, lets just say...not gone as expected (putting it mildly). I am excited to concentrate on preparing Gavin for Kinder (which he doesn't start until 2011...dang b-day rule!). Something I thought I would have accomplished by now, but not possible with the different ages and schedules the other kids had. I know, I know there's still time, however, the last 2yrs seemed to go by without me knowing it! I'm also excited to be able to give more time to Shane and Carly. Sometimes I forget Shane cause he's above his age...but this is why he needs me more so. He's shown difficulty in dealing with this trait. I have been unintentionally shoving him off and that's got to stop! I want to help @ his school if I can. Sometimes I forget about how old Carly really is. I forget she is 1.5yrs and is capable of soooo much more and I need to engage her more.
What else could I be excited about? Excited to discover what so many already have.....GOD. Yup, that's right. I am so incredibly naive its not funny. I've always said next year I'll start going to church....or when Shane or Gavin are a certain age we'll get them baptised. Unfortunately, never happened. Since my (our) experience with Carly @ birth I've had this incredible urge to learn and live by Him. He did something amazing with her; I finally really saw His work first hand. I'm sure I've seen it a bazillion (yes a bazillion) times before just never appreciated it....never slapped me in the face before. I say "my" experience because I was affected differently than Steve...not that it was easy on him in any way.....just different Something has been missing and I'm tired of trying to come up with all the answers myself...that's obviously not working!
I am soooooooooo grateful to Steve for being......well.....Steve: a loving & devoted husband! If he came to me and asked to quit his job I would absolutely FREAK OUT!!! Especially if there was no back up plan! Wow, I'm glad he's not me!! Next step is to see if he will approve of me working at night. Not that I really want to but let's face it we will need $ and if I want all the things listed above to happen, this seems to be the only way. I hate being dependent so much and need to contribute! Plus I am hoping this will make him more involved in the kids' lives. If I'm out of the house for a few hours this will force him to be the great dad that he is, but never gets the chance to be. I won't be here to interrupt or just do it all. And again, some real-world stimulation is in order. We shall see :)
Ok, so enough blah, blah, blah! Here are some of my favorite memories!
Mackenna & Shayla
Mackenzie, Matthew & Melanie
Seriously, I could go on and on but I've got too many pics! Anyway, KIDZ, I hope you had fun and cant wait to play more....just only on weekends and @ b-day parties ;) Muah!
P.S. Jen & Mitch ~ I am so sorry if my decision has hurt you in any way. I am so grateful you gave me this chance and helped me when you had other (cheaper) options. I love your babies; after all I am Aunt Susan and that will never change. XOXO.
Seacrest out! ;)
